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The Grumpy Old Mansplainer's
COMMENCEMENT ADDRESS
A Compendium of Useful Advice for New Graduates... and Everyone Else.

Photo Gallery
Imagery we couldn't afford to put in the book.


PROPER COOKING TEMPERATURES FOR PORK
What is the right internal temperature? Pink is perfectly okay. I'm old enough to remember when trichinosis was a concern and prudent cooks practically cremated pork just to be safe. Those days are LONG gone, but the stigma lingers. Click HERE for an official-looking chart.
Danny May
May 61 min read


FUTONS
(Something you shouldn't buy) FUTONS are both inexpensive and portable. They were very popular back in the 1980's when Japanese minimalism was trendy. But for a proper night's sleep, we recommend shopping for a REAL mattress set like this-- This was cropped from an ad; many sets DO come with a metal frame. To begin your mattress shopping journey, HERE is a link from FORBES MAGAZINE that rates various types of mattresses and provides shopping links.
Danny May
Apr 171 min read


GREAT SWEATERS
A winning harvest of used sweaters from eBay-- better AND cheaper than new. (Chapter 12-- Clothes Shopping)
Danny May
Apr 171 min read


ALL-PURPOSE WINE GLASSES
(And How To Open Wine) Yes, you CAN use ONE type of wine glass for every wine. But what about all those different glass shapes? Can you use, say, "Bordeaux Glasses" for a Pinot Noir, or "White Wine Glasses" for a sparkling wine? I've come to believe that such specificity is mostly marketing B.S. Fortunately we are presently amidst a current fad of "all-purpose" wine glasses that are considered suitable for ALL wines-- red, white, rose', and sparkling. So off I went in search
Danny May
Apr 132 min read


KITCHEN GADGETS
Hand Tools Every Cook Needs. The "UTENSIL CROCK" is a fashionable kitchen accessory unto itself, often sold as a complete set and priced like you're lousy at math. We recommend that you assemble your own a piece at a time from your favorites. Anything heavy enough to not tip over works for a container. Here are some items for YOUR personal countertop crock (and drawers, and cabinets.) Box Grater (L.) and the original MICROPLANE Zester (R.) https://microplane.com/ ZYLISS Salad
Danny May
Apr 121 min read


YOUR TOOL BOX
This $60 tool set from LOWE'S includes many of the tools we recommend below as well as a few things you probably won't use. Click HERE to purchase. Yeah, you’re going to need a tool box… not just for assembling your IKEA purchases, but for other assembly jobs, minor repairs, and things like picture-hanging. Not all of the foregoing will fit in an actual tool box, but you’ll need them anyway. The Big Box Hardware Stores all carry a wide variety of tools. Garage Sales are great
Danny May
Apr 112 min read


YOUR KNIFE SHARPENER
Because the Best Knife is a SHARP Knife. German or Japanese? Whichever one is sharper. Manual (non-electric) knife sharpeners exist, but they are notoriously dangerous. Here is our favorite electric model. You can spend WAY more on fancier models, but this one will do the job just fine. CHEF'S CHOICE Model 15XV 3-Stage Professional Electric Knife Sharpener https://www.amazon.com/ChefsChoice-EdgeSelect-Professional-Sharpener-Sharpening/dp/B0018RSEMU?th=1 For $140 this will ke
Danny May
Apr 81 min read


THE PERFECT FREEZER
(At least for our purposes here.) LG 6 cubic ft. Upright Freezer; Product # LROFC0605V Selling for $399 at most of the major Big Box stores. Click HERE to purchase. As suggested in chapter 2, you'll need adequate freezer space for all the great food you'll be cooking ahead of time. If your apartment lacks sufficient freezer space, you need to buy one... a freezer large enough to hold a few dozen portions of food, but small enough to fit in your apartment kitchen. I did some
Danny May
Apr 82 min read


CANNED TUNA RANKINGS
Managing the variables-- --Line Caught (good) vs. Net Caught (bad). NOTE: ALL tuna is wild-caught. --The "BIG FIVE" Tuna Species: Albacore, Bigeye, Skipjack, Yellowfin, Bluefin --Water-Packed vs. Oil-Packed. Some oils are better than others. RANKINGS: https://www.thetakeout.com/1634425/canned-tuna-brands-ranked/ https://www.seriouseats.com/canned-tuna-taste-test-8715392 https://www.chowhound.com/1582203/canned-tuna-brands-ranked-worst-best/
Danny May
Apr 81 min read


SCENES FROM BRISTOL
(The Land Deal, ch. 16) Early Autumn in the Bristol Hills. Oak trunks ready for pickup alongside the logging road that Bulldozer Operator Karl carved through the forest, and a fellow trucker with a much harder job than mine. Forestry Specialist Zane and Bulldozer Operator Karl in ONE HALF of the 9-foot diameter pipe that the US Army Corps of Engineers required me to install. 30 Locust Posts in the back of my beloved Bianca (see CAR SHOPPING, ch. 13), freshly harvested from an
Danny May
Apr 71 min read


USED APARTMENT FURNITURE
Two Gems Worth A Special Search. f The BANKER/COURTHOUSE CHAIR (l.) and the SCHOOLHOUSE CHAIR (r.). The Banker/Courthouse Chair was built to survive decades of use by corpulent financiers and violent felons and are accordingly heavy. The Schoolhouse Chair is lighter and less robustly built. If you find a set of either, make sure the joints are not loose AND consider preemptively reinforcing them with brass braces like this-- https://www.amazon.com/Antique-Brass-Chair-Leg-Brac
Danny May
Apr 61 min read
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